One Nation, Under Geeks….

…and I forgot the last words of the Pledge of Allegiance. Seriously I sat here for five minutes trying to remember. In any case.  This post is brought to you at the behest of my friends to get the name out there for our facebook group/campaign.  See, it should be noted that we don’t seriously expect it to happen. But in a time of such varying political viewpoints and agendas I decided that I wanted to put my faith in someone who was….well…kick ass.  And not in a re-election kind of way.

Felicia Day for President started after a conversation (probably riddled with beer) that I was so tired of stuffy guys in suits running things when they didn’t know what it was like to be the typical American. I should note that when I have even one drink, I become a pseudo-philosopher and think that all my grand ideas make sense.  They usually don’t but this one stuck because it was a funny kind of awesome. Funny in that my friends actually agreed with me.  I said “You know who I would vote for? Felicia Day. Hell, I’d even write her in!”  My disdain for politics is nothing new, and the idea of my heroine in the world of all things geek and nerdy running the show made sense at the time.
Now It’s sort of just become an on-going thing. I’ll ignore political news with a simple “Eh I’m voting for Felicia Day.”  it confuses most people. Mostly because the people I say that kind of comment to are not in the know.

Anyway. Last night my friends and I were talking about the group and it was decided that I needed to “blow it up.”  It’s certainly not meant as a political statement. Not intentionally anyway.  It’s fun to imagine a country run by my heroes, the only people in the world that I would get starstruck around if I ever met them. So we delved deeper than just Felicia Day last night.  Who would be the Vice President? Secretary of State? ….we crafted out the leaders and aptly entitled our imaginary land of awesome….  The United States of Geekdom.  Or Nerdmerica. We haven’t decided which of them would catch on more.  Anycase.  Below is what we came up with and the rest I filled in on my own this morning:

President:  Felicia Day

Vice President:  Wil Wheaton

Secretary of Defense:  Edward James Olmos (to be referred to as “Adama”)

Secretary of State:  Neil Patrick Harris

Political Speechwriter: Joss Whedon

Speaker of the House:  Nathan Fillion

I’m on a hunt to figure out who would fit best for the other positions and you can expect a list later on.  but for now, imagine the awesomeness of Nerdmerica.  Everyone loves NPH- I suspect world peace could be a reality….all he would need to do was smile.  Oh yes. That or he could decimate enemies with his Freeze Ray- er…right. We’re going for something bigger and better. No decimating. No Decimating. But in any case, I give you the fun musings of friends. Check out the facebook group for Felicia Day for President here

Books to Look Forward To!

This is a very exciting summer.  A summer of impending literary joy! A good chunk of my favorite authors have books coming out this summer. Next month in fact and I am clenching my fists in high expectation.   I don’t exactly have much time to read, opening a business is good for sucking time.  BUT. For these three books coming out in the next two months, I will make SERIOUS exceptions to my typical “I need all the sleeps evar!” rule.  Because I know that the exhilaration of reading the soon to be named novels will be insanely worth the slight bleary eyed days that follow.

 

1. Soul Trade by Caitlin Kittredge:  I’ve made it no secret, my love for her works.  So it’s really kind of obvious that this would be on my list.  I’ve been reading her stuff since I first perused the shelves at B&N back in Jersey and saw ‘Nightlife’. After reading the back, and myself at the time in need of a seriously good book, I said “Sure! let’s give this author I’ve never heard of a try.”  After a long and disappointing love affair with a certain uber-famous UF writer’s books I was in need of something that a.) didn’t suck and b.) wasn’t written by a crazy person eating Crazy O’s for breakfast.  I was immediately hooked.  There’s a certain rush that follows discovering a new writer, putting that first book on your already crowded shelf and staring at B&N’s website like a wide eyed rabid monkey-bird awaiting the announcement of their next novel.  There’s a certain amount of risk involved too. Wondering if, like before, you’ll be let down in a fiery burning crash of words strung together with a barely visible plot and lots and lots of grossly descriptive, not sexy vampire/shapeshifter sex masquerading as a work of ‘literary genius’.  I got off track. ANYWAY.  I’m in love with the Black London series on a level that only rivals my love for things like Eureka, Doctor Who and Torchwood (oh and Felicia Day…whole ‘nother story).  So I’m staring again like a wide eye rabid monkey-bird waiting for the package of this book that I pre-ordered.   (it should be noted that the tangent opinions stated before are STRICTLY my own, and if you’ve deduced what writer I was expressing my distaste for- please don’t take it out on Ms. Kittredge by not buying her books.  Also, I’m not saying don’t buy the books by the unnamed author either. It”s my opinion, and I’ll curl up with it by the fire and call it George.  I mean no true ill will….because I still have all her older stuff before the crazy ate her brain and love it so.)

2.  Seawitch by Kat Richardson:   The Greywalker series is one of those series that I have recommended to every person who asks what kind of stuff I like to read.  I find that it’s a wonderful introduction to the UF genre, with a great heroine and ferrets. I love that there’s ferrets. A ferret specifically but you know what I mean.  The Greywalker novels have long been a favorite of mine, and most of my copies are seconds. Because I generally lend them out so much they get worn kind of quickly.  So I’ve started buying the hardcovers, and then the paperback. When generally I would simply wait for paperback.  Just to have one that won’t end up looking like the copy of Hamlet I had to read in high school.  I can’t wait for this.  Harper Blaine is one of my favorite heroines period.  So. Go read these too.

 

3. Grave Memory by Kalayna Price: Are we sensing a theme here? Yes. I like Series. Because I enjoy getting lost in the worlds these brilliant authors create. It makes me happy. Reading is a lost joy for a lot of people, and for some one they have yet to find.  Anyway, The Alex Craft novels were introduced to me after I watched Felicia Day’s Vaginal Fantasy hangout.  Yes. You read that right. And I’m so glad for it, because I soaked up the first book and then devoured the second.  it’s an amazing thing when I can read a book in five hours. That means I love it. I read fast. And yes, I retain what actually happened. It’s sort of a wibbly wobbly timey wimey warp thing in which time slows and I am able to read novels so fast. Of course, I probably really look like Hammy- and in truth I’m sure that’s how I look.  But hey…. So I highly recommend checking these out too. (I know this was published at the beginning of July, but I have had zero time to read it but it’s a series worthy of noting so I threw it in here too).

 

4. Ashes of Honor by Seanan McGuire:  Oh Toby Daye.  I don’t know if I can accurately explain the goings on in my head when I read one of these novels. Mostly it’s chitterings of joy and internal interpretative dance.  If you haven’t read any of the Toby Daye novels you are SERIOUSLY missing out on some delicious Fae action. Really. If you love Fae things as much as I do you need to read this. Again, another author that hasn’t let me down.  I hate to say it that way because these are their brainchildren and really who am I to judge in which direction they take their stories? But you know what I mean. I hope.  If not, then my sincerest apologies for sounding like a grade A mule.  I simply mean that every book has been better than the last.    I also hope you all read these and love Tybalt as much as I do.

 

5. The Iron Wyrm Affair by Lilith Saintcrow:  I can honestly say I own more books by this author than by any other author ever.  Three, four? Years ago I went south for Christmas and I am always in the habit of bringing books (now my kindle) with me for plane rides and late nights when no one else stays awake.  I forgot books on this trip so when I got down there, I went to the bookstore and went on the hunt.  I found the Dante Valentine books and I bought them all. Sight unseen. A rather bit of a risk when I tend to be a little picky on the things I read.  But the storyline sounded great and my first page test left me wanting more and I just had the feeling I was going to devour it.  So, I did.  And since then I have amassed a collection of Ms. Saintcrow’s novels. And each and every one I love and lend out like there is no tomorrow. I’m always excited to find a book by her I didn’t know she had written because it’s like Christmas morning.  I also love steampunk. I love Victorian era ANYTHING. I also love alternative history and mysteries. So…needless to say when I was perusing the web and saw this I was aflight with giggles of glee. It’s certainly on my list and I cannot WAIT to read it.

 

 

So that was definitely 5 and NOT 3.  But I couldn’t help myself. I also know these are mostly authors I talk about a lot, but I can’t help myself.  I haven’t had much time to peruse for new things coming out and with me not working at the bookstore any longer, this information doesn’t just fall into my lap anymore.  So, I’m sure there are a ton of books I should be adding here but I just don’t know about them yet.  In any case, these five will keep me busy for a while. Or maybe only for a weekend considering my tendency to hide away on a weekend off reading multiple books because I’m a lunatic.  Heh.  Everyone has a vice and for me it’s books.  So, go out and buy these. Read them. love them. Yes, I just ordered you to love them.  And for god’s sake don’t pirate them. Pirating books SERIOUSLY hurts authors, and damages the possibility of more books in a series. It’s a whole percentages, sales thing. But it’s kind of like- if you had a really awesome idea and you go to patent it. But someone pirates that idea before you patent it. No one buys it, you show no sales and your idea gets no backers.  Or…you know, just don’t be an ass and pay for them.  When you pirate, and then complain that the books stop? Guess what….YOUR FAULT. Well you and every other scurvy, hook for a hand, eye patch wearing, peg legged sea-dog out there. Talking like a pirate=funny. Stealing things like a pirate=BAD. PSA is now over. You may all go back to your regularly scheduled television shows. Me? I’m going to watch Hoarders before bed.

The Six Worst Movies…EVER.

There are a lot of things I read or watch purely out of a morbid sense of curiosity (“Oh that green gunk is GLOWING! Must touch…” yeah that’s me).  I always end up regretting that decision. Either I become so enraged that the only thing I am capable of doing is sputtering out sounds for a good hour or two while throwing and flailing my limbs about as if that proves what I’m not saying; or I become so fundamentally depressed that “x” amount of time has been stolen from my life I decided to bury myself into watching all thirteen episodes of Firefly in one go. You know, just to cleanse my soul and eyes from the offal that I forced myself to watch.

I’ve decided to compile a list of the worst films/television I have ever watched. I’ve slimmed it down to six, because recalling any more in detail would send me into a hysterical state.  Bringing these forth is simply an act of kindness to humanity, so that you may avoid the same fate I was forced to endure.

 

6. LEGEND OF THE BOG:  There are some movies, especially in the vein of horror, that are so bad they’re good. It’s a fine line and a damn hard one not to cross. (Side note: I think the key to that lays with not taking yourself entirely too serious when making a film like that).  Then, there are films that are so awful you want to throw your television into the pool, or bathtub if you don’t have a pool.  This was, sadly, one of the latter. It had one of my favorite actors in it, Vinnie Jones. If you don’t know who Vinnie Jones is, you live under a rock and I can’t help you. Truthfully I expected this movie to be bad. But I had hoped it would be like all the other bad horror movies I watch, so bad it’s good. With someone like Vinnie Jones in the cast how could it not be right? ….Wrong. It was easily the most terrible movie I have ever watched. Truth be told, Vinnie Jones and Nora Jane Noone (from The Magdalene Sisters, The Descent and Doomsday) were the only good parts of the movie. Alas, not even they could save it. I wish I could explain to you the full scale of awful this movie was, without degrading to stuttering and fist shaking.  Oh, and there was the token nasty American business woman, trying to climb mounds of grass and mud in completely unpractical shoes. Nice to know we’re a “token” something now. Sigh. I would say, watch for yourself and see, but I don’t want to be to blame for anyone throwing their televisions at the wall.

 

5. ZOMBIE STRIPPERS:  I don’t know quite what to say about this one. The title sums up the movie pretty well.  In fact, really everything you need to know about this movie is contained in those two words. An ex of mine had told me I should watch this movie “I love it, it’s awesome.” That right there should have been a clue to me. We didn’t have what you would call “similar tastes”.  In fact she found my love of cult, B and crappy horror movies revolting.  So why then, she would recommend a zombie film to me? Should have known better. It was enough that I wanted to claw my eyes out when I was done. It didn’t take itself seriously, which usually in that kind of movie is a good thing. But, not in this case. There was a level of “Who on earth gave you money for this?!” going on. I’m pretty sure I scared my neighbors at one point or another.  When I emerged from watching the film, I could only say “No more.” I shook my head, grabbed a beer and went back to my Girl Cave to watch Firefly.

 

4. TWILIGHT :  IF you’ve read any of my other posts, you know my disdain for Twilight. See, I have this thing against actresses who get work when they only have three facial expressions. Also when their talent lays mostly in breathy sentences and dumb stares. You know, I thought the book was bad, but Kristen stewart’s excuse for acting made me realize the book is solid gold compared to the movies. Not to mention said movies have spawned legions of dumb kids running around going fangirl crying about their love for “Team Edward” while simultaneously trying to convince the world Twilight did werewolves first.  I more have a problem with the last bit. Everyone’s entitled to fangirl about something. I go fangirl over anything Felicia Day works on….but I don’t go around trying to convince the world that Ms. Day was the first redhead ever, or the first gamer ever…or…something.  I fangirl in the privacy of my home, to my friends and just now on this blog. If I saw her on the street I wouldn’t run up shrieking begging her to sign my shirt. (Uhm, truthfully I’d never run up to her like these tweens do to Robbie Pat. I’d look at whoever I was with and go “DUDE. That’s totally Felicia Day! She’s awesome!” Because…I’m a huge fan of …I don’t know not being a psychopath?).  This got off track. Vampires don’t fucking sparkle. Enough said.

 

3.  ONE EYED MONSTER: You know you’re in for it when Ron Jeremy is in a horror movie. To make him feel comfortable (though I highly doubt the Ronster NEEDS anything to feel comfortable), it was a horror movie set on a porno set.  I still have trouble wrapping my head around this movie, and if I try to explain any complex details- undoubtedly your head will also explode. Its about an alien entity that hijacks Ron Jeremy’s penis to go on a murderous rampage. Yep, you absolutely read that right. AN ALIEN HOMICIDAL PENIS. IDEK….yeah.  Arguably the ONLY redeeming factor to this movie is that Amber Benson was in it. And I tell you it was the only reason I watched it until the end. Oh…and how they kill the alien/demon schlong? An old hussy of a porn star traps it in her LADY PARTS and squeezes until it explodes, also killing her with tons of alien penile seed….oh god I feel horrible just TYPING that.

 

2.   THANKSKILLING: Demon Turkey. This teeters on the edge of being “so bad it’s good” and “shoot me now please”.  I’m going toward the latter with it simply because….It’s a murderous demon Turkey. And, the acting is awful. Though, the Turkey is the best character so that should really tell you something.  He’s a cursed turkey. And it’s college kids that incur his wrath.  The special effects left so much to be desired.  Honestly, I don’t have much else to say about this movie. Just uh….yeah beware demon turkeys.

 

  1. CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST: This movie has disturbed anyone who watched it. I know this because in order NOT to be disturbed by it…you have to have absolutely no soul. This movie isn’t on the list because it’s horridly acted. Actually it’s on here because the acting and effects were TOO good. It was most disturbing because it felt so real. Not to mention that there was some serious animal cruelty crap (certain scenes they slaughtered actual live animals) going on. Now, I’m usually of the volition that “I can watch people hacked to bits in movies, just not animals.” But this movie COMPLETELY challenged my previous disposition. I in fact, couldn’t stand to see what was happening to the people in the movie. When it was released it caused some SERIOUS scandal issues. People thought it was real. You can read more about that here. I have never had cause to feel dirty on the inside, where no amount of Clorox scrubbed on my skin will clean me. The only thing I could say to my friend after she showed me this movie was “I’ll never sleep again. I feel so dirty. I’ll never be the same.”  A little bit of me died that night.  Thankfully I was able to forget by diving headfirst into a bottle of wine and never looking back. It’s one film I’ll never watch again. Also…please for the love of the almighty don’t run out and watch it. Take my word for it. I don’t want to be responsible if you cut out your own eyes.

Right. So, officially the six worst movies I have yet to see. I’m sure in the coming years there will be more, as bad ideas seem to come in droves.  Well then, I’m off. It’s snowing here again and I have the biggest desire to make tons of tea and curl up with Netflix, exploring the vast world of bad 60s exploitation horror flicks. Yeah, what can I say. I’m a glutton for punishment.